Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The Rabbit Hole
So today marks a major milestone in our homesteading endeavor...I put in my two weeks notice with the trucking company I work for. It's turning out to be a bitter-sweet moment. I expected to be very happy, but as it turns out there is a lot of room for uncertainty to creep in. There are a couple of reasons for this I figure:
First, our original plan was for me to wait until the end of March to quit. Our carefully laid out plan had suddenly changed, but, frankly for good reason. The cost of me being on the road, considering the amount of money it costs for food and other necessary supplies, were digging into my declining paycheck. With the financial recession taking hold, it has finally really hit my industry. So...slow freight, coupled with bad weather adds up to less miles per week, and that means smaller pay checks. Unfortunately, my spending wasn't going down, in fact it was on the rise. The more I sat for long hours in truck stops and operating centers the more I was eating, drinking (pop), smoking, etc. We did some math and some soul searching, and figured it just wasn't worth it to stay out on the road when I could earn money at home doing odd jobs, plus help Melissa in the day to day tasks that are continuing to grow as we remove expensive conveniences from our lives. Giving her more time to focus on her business. Seems like a great reason to quit sooner rather than later, and it is...but......see, there's that doubt; creeping in like a 'thief in the night', trying to snatch our dreams away.
The second reason I'm feeling this strange concoction of emotions is that I work for a large company that pays me, offers a 401k, insurance...and all the other benefits that comes from being hired by a business that's been around for 70 years. This is what I'm supposed to do to take care of my family. Work hard, earn money and benefits, and, and...wait...I don't get to ever see or be with them. Hey, that's not what society told me it would be like. That's right though, I have a lot of programing that's been with me since my first days on this earth, and it's that over-played programing that doesn't want to let me go. It's very "Matrix" like...I'm a copper-top. Linked to the system to do my part.
In the long run...I needed the doubt. I needed to wonder if I was doing the right thing. Not to make a hasty decision or one solely on emotion. I think that in this case doubt gave me pause, and I used it to make sure this was right. It is!
Time to find out what's down the Rabbit-Hole!